I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
