He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
