Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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