You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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