Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
home. puking in laundry basket.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
