Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
