I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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