you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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