We won't sleep together?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
