Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
