If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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