Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
