Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
