i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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