Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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