PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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