it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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