It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
