What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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