I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
