Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
