what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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