with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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