There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
