No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize