Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
