Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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