Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
