It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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