Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
