If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
