I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize