I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
