...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
