I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
