I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Umm I'm too high to move.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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