that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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