he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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