my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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