I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
