i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
