so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
