i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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