Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
