At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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