My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
