take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
