Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
