well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
