alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
