I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
