I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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