I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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