we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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