I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
