im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
