The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize