he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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