you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
