Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
