He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
