My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize