thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
do nipples grow back?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
