even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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