I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
