Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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