I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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