I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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