My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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