white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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