She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
