I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
