My first STD was from a foam party
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
not ubering you a puppy
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
