I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
