Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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