I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
