Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
