i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize